Hot Doug fantasy

Times are such that one leaves for work early in the day and returns late in the evening. That makes 6-7 hours of sleep and just about 2 or maximum three hours for reading or television. Not to mention the quick dinner or whatever you may call it in the middle.

Well, I aint no banker, engineer or some serious analyst but my work, mainly concerned with my frugal writing skills, keeps me at work for a considerable amount of time. When I return home, I watch a little bit of television while I eat. Last night I managed to catch a fairly interesting show on Travel & Living. It was a special show on, Hot Dogs sold across America.

So we stop at "Hot Doug's", an eatery in Chicago that subheads its rather connotative restaurant name with, "Sausage Superstore." Now this guy has been in business for God knows how years and there was all that history-geography of Doug's being rambled on for sometime. However what caught my notice was the menu. A wide variety of Hot Dogs, fresh-cut french fries and fountain soda feature the list. What is interesting though is that Mr. Doug likes to name his Hot Dogs after his favourite celebrities. So there is, The Elvis: Polish sausage - smoked and savoury just like the king at 2.50$, Keira Knighty (Formerly Jennifer Garner and Britney Spears): Fire dog - Mighty hot! at the same and Salma Hayek (formerly the Madonna, Raquel Welch and Ann Margaret): Andouille sausage - mighty, mighty, mighty hot! at a whopping 4$
Wow! What would you say to that? Well, our man Doug says, "He adores these lovely ladies."

Just imagine if Kiera Knightly was ever to visit Hot Doug's what would she say.
"I'd like a Keira Knightly, mighty hot or wait a minute.....(chew her lips, make tiny eyes) I think I'll have Salma Hayek - mighty, mighty, mighty hot. Er, excuse me does it come along with her delicious accent and luscious breasts?"

What if Madonna threw her leather clad legs up on the table, tilted her sombrero, pointed the 6 inch pencil heels at the menu and said, "Hey Doug, bring me Elvis' wiener, real hot and smoky! And throw some extra chilli will ya." Yikes!

Then Ann Margaret walks in, looks straight into Doug's eyes and says, "Don't go by the years sonny boy. Bring me the hottest. A Salma Hayek. Whopsie, that still would have been me had you ever learnt to spell c.l.a.s.s.i.c."

Ah well catching Mr. Doug's expression at that moment would be priceless.

In India, sausages are still commonly seen as firangi food and the only variety we get here is, "Madam, isspicy or plain?" But I strongly believe we too should have a sausage superstore like Doug's. With or without the celebrity names it don't matter. Though with the celebrity names it would be a lot more interesting.

Imagine a perfect Sunday afternoon in the spring time, just before summer kicks in, you walk in to our desi sausage superstore and ask for, ummm, lets say, "The Shahrukh - pure ham and cooked to perfection."
Or "The Bipasha Basu (Formerly Zeenat Aman and Rekha) - Mighty, mighty, mighty maal!
Or "The Kareena Kapoor for the novice dieters - Low fat, plain shit.
Or The BIG B - to satisfy your tall desires. (If at all you go by the paradigm - tall man, big feet, big...)
I swear to God I shall spend all weekends right there, ordering every Bipasha Basu that leaves the kitchen and amuse myself with the never-really-big-enough Big Bs.

At the end of the day, I give full credit to Mr. Doug for romanticising the oddly shaped things called sausages the way he has. I truly believe him when he says, "People find it hard to chose between children. I say that's easy but choosing between hot dogs...I don't know." I can see the glint of conviction in his eyes, just like the shine of pork fat on the fried sausages.

Well the celebrities may sure be used to fragrances, orchids and clothing lines being named after them but I don't know how kiera knightly, Salma Hayek, Kareena Kapoor or Shahrukh Khan would react to having their names immortalized by hot dogs at some eatery. Though had it been me in their place, I would certainly be overjoyed, thrilled and felt many notches cooler, with the honour bestowed upon me. I would go over to Doug's all the time, flash my brightest smile and say, "Hey Doug! Gimme a Sushmita: a lot too hot with a chilled bottle of beer."