I have never blogged in pointers....however i think it kinda helps at times when you are too lazy to put down a holistic little creative piece. Bullshit to that! Sometimes you just wanna talk, and talk shit, talk in pointers and thank your dear buddy Anurag Kotoky for clearing your pointer inhibition!
Post August pandemonium....
1. Lost track of day and night.
2. Work is an obligation that must be finished before you surrender yourself to lord Bacchus.
3. Classes are meant to be walked out of after you've got attendance.
4. It is compulsory to then make a toast over some adrak wali chai.
5. Inevitable to find your friends from certain radio and television department to already be present there.
6. You may not have money for lunch but you must have money for cigarettes. In anycase murali might have written "udhar nahi chalega" but he doesnt really mean that, does he?
7. Great heated discussions over burning smokes on how someones gonna die because of their smoking habits and then wonder deep down inside that it could be you.
8. Get another smoke.
9. Plan to go out in the night, vaguely.
10. Clueless at 5:00 pm, chatting away to glory.
11. Lying on the grass, staring at the sky, listening to music, smoking more, smoking up if you get lucky.
12. 7:00 pm someone pulls you out and sends you off to the hostel, only to pack your things and leave.
13. Collect money, empty each little pocket with every little bit of chillar and get booze.
14. Still stuck with bluemoon....alas!
15. Drinking, drinking.....sloshed? maybe not.
16. Walk to JNU half alive, half dead but still craving butter chicken.
17. Eat, smoke, eat, have coffee, eat, smoke.
18. Walk......(maybe sing, at times when you really feel like/care to)
19. Reach base camp and crash with your fellow refugees...
20. Wake up.....of course you are late for first class. Might as well sleep more.
21. Balls to attendance.....(ummm....but we still do hope we make a 70%)
22. Reach college post lunch, hung over, wearing same old clothes, unbrushed, unkempt.
23. Hit tea point.....chai, sutta, more loans, more smokes, more talk.
It goes on....
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
A Tribute
Faceless. Amorphous.
But i know you still exist.
To be or not be is the question.
To be, I say, you chose.
The horror the horror of going down the drain.
Little boy i know you still remain.
Nameless. Innocent. Sacred.
Today i name thee;
Son of God, you are called Christ.
You are the sufferer, the silent victim of time.
Wrath filled your heart maybe,
but little boy remember, that thy mother had dearly loved thee.
And i know one day you shall return.....
(To Christ....with love)
But i know you still exist.
To be or not be is the question.
To be, I say, you chose.
The horror the horror of going down the drain.
Little boy i know you still remain.
Nameless. Innocent. Sacred.
Today i name thee;
Son of God, you are called Christ.
You are the sufferer, the silent victim of time.
Wrath filled your heart maybe,
but little boy remember, that thy mother had dearly loved thee.
And i know one day you shall return.....
(To Christ....with love)
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
The Hallucinations of the bong mind
This was probably the most wasted Pujo of my life. A complete shift of paradigm (Sam would say). I made two trips to CR park, which were strictly okay. The good thing about it is the fact that i did that probably after a decades time. The funny bit of this pujo was Gunjeet and Anush getting overly excited and then thoroughly bored. Prateek of course was oblivious to all of it.
I had fun because i had sunshine in my pocket all three days. Like I've always hated non-sunny days.....now i love sunny days even better.
My pujo was colourful....like Eastman coloured Hindi movies. Okay probably a lot more subtle, but then they percolated into each other to create the most psychedelic shades witnessed in the history of mankind.
I could also call the straw ride the best part of the pujo but i am tempted to say that my bloated gut amazed me beyond limits. And that, my friend is the best part of this pujo. There is of course much more to it but it is pretty pointless noting the pointless points. So the hallucinations of the bong mind pronounces this pujo to be......the most overwhelmingly random pujo of her life.
I had fun because i had sunshine in my pocket all three days. Like I've always hated non-sunny days.....now i love sunny days even better.
My pujo was colourful....like Eastman coloured Hindi movies. Okay probably a lot more subtle, but then they percolated into each other to create the most psychedelic shades witnessed in the history of mankind.
I could also call the straw ride the best part of the pujo but i am tempted to say that my bloated gut amazed me beyond limits. And that, my friend is the best part of this pujo. There is of course much more to it but it is pretty pointless noting the pointless points. So the hallucinations of the bong mind pronounces this pujo to be......the most overwhelmingly random pujo of her life.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Does your tea smell like sex?
We aren't all tea drinkers in this world. Some say, "chai piyo mast jiyo", while for some it just ain't the taste that gets them going! Vir Sanghvi thinks that the mikaibari darjeeling tea smells like sex but I think that ain't where it stops! If your tea liquor resembles the sight of a sun kissed early morning sky then it sure has got all the thrills of sex! Even the mere thought of dry tea leaves simmering under hot water, arouses all our senses. The tantalizing aroma of a bubbling hot pot of tea is absolutely irresistible. The British gave it to us but i think we do the tea better than anyone. In India, tea can be found in its various avatars. While some like the sugary sweet, milky dhaba tea some would just reject it as sheer blasphemy! But I think each has its unique characteristics, and ruling it out simply on such grounds is unfair. One must be open to the various interpretations of the tea! After all we can't blatantly ignore the famous yak milk tea of Ladakh! Sources tell me that its salty and pretty disgusting to taste. Well i guess that's where the sex turns into a nightmare! But I am sure its got its fans too.
I think of tea as a must have for rainy days, along with hot boiled corn glazed with melted butter. I think of tea, as an indispensable companion of every Sunday evening get-together. I think of tea with a hint of fresh lemon grass when I am blue. I think of tea along with fragrant lime, mint leaves and crushed ice when its hot. I think of tea as the best part of every heated discussion. I think of tea to go along with warm cakes. I think of tea and roots of ginger as therapeutic on damp winter days. I think of tea, strongly made with generous quantities of milk and sugar when i am stressed. I think of tea in a large ceramic mug, warming my hands when i am contemplating. I think of tea accompanying a warm glowing cigarette pressed between my fingers. Its almost orgiastic! I think of tea as the scintillating mistress of the moon lit evenings. I think of tea, the very first thing every morning :)
I think of tea as a must have for rainy days, along with hot boiled corn glazed with melted butter. I think of tea, as an indispensable companion of every Sunday evening get-together. I think of tea with a hint of fresh lemon grass when I am blue. I think of tea along with fragrant lime, mint leaves and crushed ice when its hot. I think of tea as the best part of every heated discussion. I think of tea to go along with warm cakes. I think of tea and roots of ginger as therapeutic on damp winter days. I think of tea, strongly made with generous quantities of milk and sugar when i am stressed. I think of tea in a large ceramic mug, warming my hands when i am contemplating. I think of tea accompanying a warm glowing cigarette pressed between my fingers. Its almost orgiastic! I think of tea as the scintillating mistress of the moon lit evenings. I think of tea, the very first thing every morning :)
Thursday, July 05, 2007
One morning
Distances. It is only when the psychological one gets wider than the physical, that they bite! But then they say we are all just six degrees apart. She had just sat on that bench to catch her breath when she found herself sitting next to a tall gentleman, dark glasses, stern face. One could call him good looking if they please but she had seen better. It was a call from God she felt. After all she wasn't meant to die today. She slided herself towards him, and pretended to read out the newspaper lying next to him, while a couple of agitated ladies came by, glanced at them and moved on. Phew! There was a sigh of relief. She pulled it off after all, and all thanks to the lovely gentleman who played along, without budging even a limb in protest.
"Thanks sir!" She said in a haste and got up to leave when he grabbed her wrist and said, "Not so fast lady!"
Oh ow! That smelled trouble. He knew it all along, he was one of them. Yikes! She was so busted, she thought.
"Look sir, it is not my fault, i have not done anythin and you cannot touch me like that!" In one short breath she popped out the entire sentence. When she did that, she was always nervous. And when she got nervous, she always wrinkled her nose. And when her nose wrinkled, her eyes automatically shut themselves. But anyway, this guy won't let go.
"Hmmm thats interesting, i knew there was something wrong here. Otherwiseee...why would anyone suddenly read out the newspaper to me, when its not even mine?"
"Dumb logic. I like to read out aloud, especially newpapers. You've gotta problem with that, deal with it yourself." She was just about to shrug off when the brigade of agitated ladies returned on their course. She rushed back to the newspaper and the man.
"Please, just for a little while, stay shut." And she began her newspaper recital yet again.
Thankfully, soon enough the ladies trickled back into their homes like little rats and the newspaper recital, (by God's grace) was called off.
"So what is this all about?" asked the helpful bench man.
"Nothing, nothing really. Nothing that concerns you." She sounded stern. She tried hard to.
"Sure, all i gotta do is yell and you'll need to recourse your concern lady!"
Yup she was in trouble either way, so she'd rather tell her tale than not live another day to narrate it again.
"ummmm.....well." she began.
"Yeah i got that part."
"Hey! Would you first stop oggling at the sun. And its not even all that sunny as yet, I dunno why people think shades make them look cool."
"Unrelated," he sang out, "the story lady??"
She could kill herself. Who was she stuck with. Lord, why do you do this to me...she wondered!
"Okay, ummm...yeah i know u got that part. Ummm...yeah so as u can see I am obviously a...a...a......"
"Girl?"
"Yeah, that too but....ummm...nevermind that. So i was in that house. That one down the road...the red one."
"Aha...."
"And....a...a..i was sorta not supposed to be there. And this is not my first time there. Somehow his wife sorta found out about it and she kept a tab on him. And she was supposed to be outta town but i dunno from where she suddenly popped up, with all these women and baseball bats and saucepans, that i just opened my eyes and ran for my life." she paused, "yeahhh...thats pretty much it!
"Aha...so wife caught u in bed with husband and you ran for your life? Shouldn't the guy do that instead???"
"Yeahhhh......you could say that, but you know they could obviously call the cops. And that would just be disasterous for me. God knows for how long i'd have to be off job then."
"The worlds getting more and more bizzare each day!"
"Gosh, how old are you, hundred and eight?? Anyway, i am off now." She walked a few steps and paused. "But what is bizzare you know, is that you talking to me the entire time without looking at me, especially when you can see what...what i am. I don't know whether its a good thing or bad, coz it definitely says that you've got some kinda prob!"
"Firstly, I am not hundred and eight, just thirty two, three and two. And these glasses, they have nothing but hollow years behind them. I see you, I surely do. But all i know is, that to me, if you ask me, you look nice."
She felt her feet had suddenly frozen. But she decided to fade away. And before she did that, she turned around and said, "Nice. Thats a beautiful sound for these ears!"
"Thanks sir!" She said in a haste and got up to leave when he grabbed her wrist and said, "Not so fast lady!"
Oh ow! That smelled trouble. He knew it all along, he was one of them. Yikes! She was so busted, she thought.
"Look sir, it is not my fault, i have not done anythin and you cannot touch me like that!" In one short breath she popped out the entire sentence. When she did that, she was always nervous. And when she got nervous, she always wrinkled her nose. And when her nose wrinkled, her eyes automatically shut themselves. But anyway, this guy won't let go.
"Hmmm thats interesting, i knew there was something wrong here. Otherwiseee...why would anyone suddenly read out the newspaper to me, when its not even mine?"
"Dumb logic. I like to read out aloud, especially newpapers. You've gotta problem with that, deal with it yourself." She was just about to shrug off when the brigade of agitated ladies returned on their course. She rushed back to the newspaper and the man.
"Please, just for a little while, stay shut." And she began her newspaper recital yet again.
Thankfully, soon enough the ladies trickled back into their homes like little rats and the newspaper recital, (by God's grace) was called off.
"So what is this all about?" asked the helpful bench man.
"Nothing, nothing really. Nothing that concerns you." She sounded stern. She tried hard to.
"Sure, all i gotta do is yell and you'll need to recourse your concern lady!"
Yup she was in trouble either way, so she'd rather tell her tale than not live another day to narrate it again.
"ummmm.....well." she began.
"Yeah i got that part."
"Hey! Would you first stop oggling at the sun. And its not even all that sunny as yet, I dunno why people think shades make them look cool."
"Unrelated," he sang out, "the story lady??"
She could kill herself. Who was she stuck with. Lord, why do you do this to me...she wondered!
"Okay, ummm...yeah i know u got that part. Ummm...yeah so as u can see I am obviously a...a...a......"
"Girl?"
"Yeah, that too but....ummm...nevermind that. So i was in that house. That one down the road...the red one."
"Aha...."
"And....a...a..i was sorta not supposed to be there. And this is not my first time there. Somehow his wife sorta found out about it and she kept a tab on him. And she was supposed to be outta town but i dunno from where she suddenly popped up, with all these women and baseball bats and saucepans, that i just opened my eyes and ran for my life." she paused, "yeahhh...thats pretty much it!
"Aha...so wife caught u in bed with husband and you ran for your life? Shouldn't the guy do that instead???"
"Yeahhhh......you could say that, but you know they could obviously call the cops. And that would just be disasterous for me. God knows for how long i'd have to be off job then."
"The worlds getting more and more bizzare each day!"
"Gosh, how old are you, hundred and eight?? Anyway, i am off now." She walked a few steps and paused. "But what is bizzare you know, is that you talking to me the entire time without looking at me, especially when you can see what...what i am. I don't know whether its a good thing or bad, coz it definitely says that you've got some kinda prob!"
"Firstly, I am not hundred and eight, just thirty two, three and two. And these glasses, they have nothing but hollow years behind them. I see you, I surely do. But all i know is, that to me, if you ask me, you look nice."
She felt her feet had suddenly frozen. But she decided to fade away. And before she did that, she turned around and said, "Nice. Thats a beautiful sound for these ears!"
Sunday, July 01, 2007
The nicest sounds of the past....
The sounds of the past have an archaic shimmer in them. Its the shimmer of silver deposits that time besets upon it. And just like antiques their value only grows with every strike of the clock.While teaching Yeats, my proffessor once said that the best time for each of us to sit back and contemplate is at the time of the sunset. This is more or less a natural process and very often we unknowingly find ourselves doing the same. And it is during these dimly lit evenings, when the pink sky yawns over my head that I like to savour the best things in life. They could be thoughts, they could be memories, or probably just a simple cup of tea. But what i love most is humming those tunes of yester years that still glow in all our hearts with a fresh brightness. I am talking about the classics of Hindi Cinema, the undying sounds of the past.
I think my favourite songs as a child was waqt ne kiya. Of course its only later that i realised its deeper engravings. Another of my favourites would be aayega aane wala from mahal. This song is hair-raising. The whole enigmatic feel to it is beautiful, though its more because of the visuals than the songs.
Kishore Kumar and Madhubala's Haal kaisa hai janab ka, is one adorable song. Along with this, there is Acha ji main hari chalo. Similar themes, classic happy songs. The song I love love love is bhanwra bada nada aye. Its got a perky feel to it which is adorable. And the sexiest song ever is na jao sainya. I think i am yet to come across a better seductive song. Its simply beautiful. Chalte Chalte yunhi koi mil gaya tha, from Pakiza is again very close to me. It has a reverberative quality which is unusually good. Ek ladki bheegi bhagi si is a great playful song and kishore kumar makes it all the more wonderful. And that one song which is always fun to sing no matter what is...sar jo tera chakraye...ya dil dooba jaye...hehe! It is also very difficult to not mention songs like hum hai rahin pyar ke hum se kuch na boliye.....and hai apna dil to aawara naa jane kis pe aayega!
Moving on, theres one song that i really like.....tumne mujhe dekha..from teesri manzil. I have no idea why i like this song but i just do. With this i've got to mention oh mere sona re and aa ja piya tohe pyar du, pyar deewana hota hai, aayiye mehrban, aa janeja. Aayiye mehrban is another of those great tantalizing songs. My favourite song as a child.....raat akeli hai....a very cute song indeed. It has a lot of life in it. It has a feel of hot bubbling water, full of vigour! Bahon mein chale aao and roop tera mastana are almost everyone's all time favourites. These are irreplacale romantic songs! My list is going to be a long one i feel. There are so many more to go. Jhumka gira re, mera naam chin chin chu, hawa ke saath saath are some of the really fun songs! Hawa ke saath saath especially is a very fun song to sing along with someone who enjoys the song just as much! And the best song to sing while blowing out smoke rings is main zindagi ka saath nibha ta chala gaya...har fikr ko dhue me udata chala gaya! The song definitely has the cool factor goin along with it. Singing it while smoking always makes u a wee bit cooler and gives you a good psychological boost!Coming to my most favourite romantic song ever....i've gotta mention pal pal dil ke pas. It is such a fragrant song. It has an effect very close to what a bag of freshly crushed lavender would have. It makes you fall in love with the song itself! A little later there were songs like ek main aur ek tu...which were to die for. Outta the more recent old songs theres neela aasma from silsila, katra katra from ijaazat, khali haath sham aayi hai....i think gulzar makes the last to stand out even more. Well i guess thats about it but i'd mention my best loved song now, its mera kuch saman. The song tells a story and i just love it. There are many more, and i'll make an account of them later. For now..these are a few of my favourite sounds!!!
I think my favourite songs as a child was waqt ne kiya. Of course its only later that i realised its deeper engravings. Another of my favourites would be aayega aane wala from mahal. This song is hair-raising. The whole enigmatic feel to it is beautiful, though its more because of the visuals than the songs.
Kishore Kumar and Madhubala's Haal kaisa hai janab ka, is one adorable song. Along with this, there is Acha ji main hari chalo. Similar themes, classic happy songs. The song I love love love is bhanwra bada nada aye. Its got a perky feel to it which is adorable. And the sexiest song ever is na jao sainya. I think i am yet to come across a better seductive song. Its simply beautiful. Chalte Chalte yunhi koi mil gaya tha, from Pakiza is again very close to me. It has a reverberative quality which is unusually good. Ek ladki bheegi bhagi si is a great playful song and kishore kumar makes it all the more wonderful. And that one song which is always fun to sing no matter what is...sar jo tera chakraye...ya dil dooba jaye...hehe! It is also very difficult to not mention songs like hum hai rahin pyar ke hum se kuch na boliye.....and hai apna dil to aawara naa jane kis pe aayega!
Moving on, theres one song that i really like.....tumne mujhe dekha..from teesri manzil. I have no idea why i like this song but i just do. With this i've got to mention oh mere sona re and aa ja piya tohe pyar du, pyar deewana hota hai, aayiye mehrban, aa janeja. Aayiye mehrban is another of those great tantalizing songs. My favourite song as a child.....raat akeli hai....a very cute song indeed. It has a lot of life in it. It has a feel of hot bubbling water, full of vigour! Bahon mein chale aao and roop tera mastana are almost everyone's all time favourites. These are irreplacale romantic songs! My list is going to be a long one i feel. There are so many more to go. Jhumka gira re, mera naam chin chin chu, hawa ke saath saath are some of the really fun songs! Hawa ke saath saath especially is a very fun song to sing along with someone who enjoys the song just as much! And the best song to sing while blowing out smoke rings is main zindagi ka saath nibha ta chala gaya...har fikr ko dhue me udata chala gaya! The song definitely has the cool factor goin along with it. Singing it while smoking always makes u a wee bit cooler and gives you a good psychological boost!Coming to my most favourite romantic song ever....i've gotta mention pal pal dil ke pas. It is such a fragrant song. It has an effect very close to what a bag of freshly crushed lavender would have. It makes you fall in love with the song itself! A little later there were songs like ek main aur ek tu...which were to die for. Outta the more recent old songs theres neela aasma from silsila, katra katra from ijaazat, khali haath sham aayi hai....i think gulzar makes the last to stand out even more. Well i guess thats about it but i'd mention my best loved song now, its mera kuch saman. The song tells a story and i just love it. There are many more, and i'll make an account of them later. For now..these are a few of my favourite sounds!!!
Friday, June 29, 2007
Loving Calcutta
The quirky city which has forever been my vacationing spot, has suddenly occupied a new place in my heart. I hold Calcutta responsible f
or not having toured the hill stations, the sea beaches or the forests of India. While every kid would narrate grand tales about their visit to simla or Jim Corbet or the backwaters, i would just listen to them and take a quick virtual tour to these places in my mind. This is all because, come summer and we would pack our bags to Calcutta. Its like a ritual that I've been performing for twenty odd years. I always liked Calcutta, after all it was where my grandparents and cousins lived. But i always liked it like a vacationing spot. I liked it because every time i went there my grandfather brought home bags and bags of Bajar and my grandmother prepared treats for us. It was where i was allowed to loaf around the house all day and night without being interrogated. Being in Kolkatta was like being in a festival. Everything happened in a grand scale and royal style. And pretty much like a festival, it ended in a short time as well. Yet, no matter how terrible i felt going back home, i always loved "home" better than Calcutta. I could never imagine living in Calcutta, I grew up to pride myself over my cosmopolitan coolness and looked down upon the general crowd. It was too dirty, to sultry for my everyday living. It was a city i liked because i was treated well and made to have fun by the conscious efforts of my grandparents and cousins.
Now, Calcutta has changed quite a bit. It has definitely come up in terms of infrastructure and is climbing the steep steps of the cool-o meter! But irrespective of this face lift, the heart of the city still remains untainted. The spirit of the city is unshakable. This time when i went to Calcutta( I just got back yesterday!) i saw a different side of it. This time the city gave me a brand new perspective. Although the motive of the visit was an unhappy one, i would say this was probably my best visit. For starters, I got to spend a lot of time with m
y brother which made me realise how strongly we bond. I met members of the family, of whose existence i had no knowledge of. And this time i got to meet some really good people. My brother and i have a common friend and because of these two i got to meet their other friends. I had very stringent notions about the kids in Calcutta and they mostly weren't good. I exclude my cousins from this categorization, coz after all i have my own biased opinion working here. I had always heard of all these friends of my brothers but honestly, i weighed them very low on my opinion metre. I don't know why i did that, i had no reason to, but somehow by the virtual appearance of the matter and by the workings of my general hang ups i thought them nothing great. But now I've learnt not to judge a book by its cover. I think i had the best time with these people. Things went beyond my expectations and i found myself liking all of them. The very things that i disliked earlier were the things i thoroughly enjoyed and fell in love with. I never expected myself to be amidst a bunch of Calcutta kids and like them and wish being a part of them. It is still pretty surprising to me! I liked the way they talked, their lingo and the way they were. They are so different from what i have around me, and i liked this difference. They are such good people.
All of this started as a joke when i said that id like to shift to Calcutta for the food. I never meant it. And then i saw the Ganges. All my life I've been to this city with the river trickling through it and never did i interact with the river this closely. Strangely though
t but my grandfather made way for this to happen. Having the Ganges in front of me and experiencing its grand beauty and the the local flavour was to die for. This was particularly very good, but also otherwise i was shocked to find myself liking things that i hated, was embarrassed of. For example i detested how bongs were always so loud, they screamed at the bus driver if he drove slow, they spoke bangla almost everywhere and they spoke weirdly too. But in Delhi if u scream at the driver he could bash you up and actually its only good that there the people are so vocal. After all a bus should be on time. I liked that. I liked that we went out for dinner and i could talk to the Stewart in bangla. I liked that i could call shopkeeper kaku and not bhaiyya/uncle, friend's parents were kaku kakima instead of uncle aunty, the kaku-kakima's were like real parents and not parents who were replica's of the "cool" twentieth century mothers on television. For the first time i lived with a pet, a big golden Labrador who is a complete brat. Sheroo who's presence in the house was a big point of apprehension for me turned out to be my bed buddy! The guy would invariably climb onto the bed once everyone was asleep and place his royal ass right at my feet coz everyone else has the gift of good height but me! So sleeping at my feet meant more space for mister spoilt! Not just that, Sheroo would very innocently place his face on my lap during every meal in the hope of making a share of my food. And God alone knows why, but for the first time i did something with him that I'd never do with anyone else. I shared my prawns. Prawns, the most precious thing on any one's dinner plate went into the guys big belly! Ah well i must say i couldn't bear to have him stare at me with hopeful eyes for that long. But now that I am back there is no dog to come home to, who would sniff and jump at you, wag his tail and follow you around.
By the end of it all i felt that I whose is so averse to change had taken a big leap! Yes, i fell in love. I fell in love with everything about that city. I know all of Calcutta is not Salt Lake but I still like it. All my life i tried to stand apart from the people of the city and all my life I lived with a myth, a myth of a fake sense of superiority. These people that were so hospitable to me, were mocked by me and then i realised that in my desperate attempt to hold myself different i was not being Me. I was trying to be someone else, i was trying to be other people who were not Me, who i thought were cool and to whom i wanted to belong. All this and all was a fake notion because in my Delhi bubble world i never realised that in my desperation of detaching myself from those Calcutta people i never realised that i was actually one of them. And now i wouldn't be lying if i said i want to shift to Calcutta. A part of me wishes i was there and a part of me craves to be there. But now i am back to my cold urban apartment, with its cold walls, cold bed, cold closet and heavy silences. I miss the warmth of the city, the voices and sounds of the house and the strange cycle rickshaw horns.
I am never as comfortably as I am in Calcutta. It seems like, my place. This is not just because of my Mashi and family who make every trip of mine every so good, or the city centre or Khadi, but Calcutta makes me happy. With all its quirkiness, abandoned tram tracks, monginis, CPM graffiti, cotton saris, palm trees, potholes, rolls and taxis; I have fallen in love with Calcutta.
or not having toured the hill stations, the sea beaches or the forests of India. While every kid would narrate grand tales about their visit to simla or Jim Corbet or the backwaters, i would just listen to them and take a quick virtual tour to these places in my mind. This is all because, come summer and we would pack our bags to Calcutta. Its like a ritual that I've been performing for twenty odd years. I always liked Calcutta, after all it was where my grandparents and cousins lived. But i always liked it like a vacationing spot. I liked it because every time i went there my grandfather brought home bags and bags of Bajar and my grandmother prepared treats for us. It was where i was allowed to loaf around the house all day and night without being interrogated. Being in Kolkatta was like being in a festival. Everything happened in a grand scale and royal style. And pretty much like a festival, it ended in a short time as well. Yet, no matter how terrible i felt going back home, i always loved "home" better than Calcutta. I could never imagine living in Calcutta, I grew up to pride myself over my cosmopolitan coolness and looked down upon the general crowd. It was too dirty, to sultry for my everyday living. It was a city i liked because i was treated well and made to have fun by the conscious efforts of my grandparents and cousins.Now, Calcutta has changed quite a bit. It has definitely come up in terms of infrastructure and is climbing the steep steps of the cool-o meter! But irrespective of this face lift, the heart of the city still remains untainted. The spirit of the city is unshakable. This time when i went to Calcutta( I just got back yesterday!) i saw a different side of it. This time the city gave me a brand new perspective. Although the motive of the visit was an unhappy one, i would say this was probably my best visit. For starters, I got to spend a lot of time with m
y brother which made me realise how strongly we bond. I met members of the family, of whose existence i had no knowledge of. And this time i got to meet some really good people. My brother and i have a common friend and because of these two i got to meet their other friends. I had very stringent notions about the kids in Calcutta and they mostly weren't good. I exclude my cousins from this categorization, coz after all i have my own biased opinion working here. I had always heard of all these friends of my brothers but honestly, i weighed them very low on my opinion metre. I don't know why i did that, i had no reason to, but somehow by the virtual appearance of the matter and by the workings of my general hang ups i thought them nothing great. But now I've learnt not to judge a book by its cover. I think i had the best time with these people. Things went beyond my expectations and i found myself liking all of them. The very things that i disliked earlier were the things i thoroughly enjoyed and fell in love with. I never expected myself to be amidst a bunch of Calcutta kids and like them and wish being a part of them. It is still pretty surprising to me! I liked the way they talked, their lingo and the way they were. They are so different from what i have around me, and i liked this difference. They are such good people.All of this started as a joke when i said that id like to shift to Calcutta for the food. I never meant it. And then i saw the Ganges. All my life I've been to this city with the river trickling through it and never did i interact with the river this closely. Strangely though
t but my grandfather made way for this to happen. Having the Ganges in front of me and experiencing its grand beauty and the the local flavour was to die for. This was particularly very good, but also otherwise i was shocked to find myself liking things that i hated, was embarrassed of. For example i detested how bongs were always so loud, they screamed at the bus driver if he drove slow, they spoke bangla almost everywhere and they spoke weirdly too. But in Delhi if u scream at the driver he could bash you up and actually its only good that there the people are so vocal. After all a bus should be on time. I liked that. I liked that we went out for dinner and i could talk to the Stewart in bangla. I liked that i could call shopkeeper kaku and not bhaiyya/uncle, friend's parents were kaku kakima instead of uncle aunty, the kaku-kakima's were like real parents and not parents who were replica's of the "cool" twentieth century mothers on television. For the first time i lived with a pet, a big golden Labrador who is a complete brat. Sheroo who's presence in the house was a big point of apprehension for me turned out to be my bed buddy! The guy would invariably climb onto the bed once everyone was asleep and place his royal ass right at my feet coz everyone else has the gift of good height but me! So sleeping at my feet meant more space for mister spoilt! Not just that, Sheroo would very innocently place his face on my lap during every meal in the hope of making a share of my food. And God alone knows why, but for the first time i did something with him that I'd never do with anyone else. I shared my prawns. Prawns, the most precious thing on any one's dinner plate went into the guys big belly! Ah well i must say i couldn't bear to have him stare at me with hopeful eyes for that long. But now that I am back there is no dog to come home to, who would sniff and jump at you, wag his tail and follow you around.By the end of it all i felt that I whose is so averse to change had taken a big leap! Yes, i fell in love. I fell in love with everything about that city. I know all of Calcutta is not Salt Lake but I still like it. All my life i tried to stand apart from the people of the city and all my life I lived with a myth, a myth of a fake sense of superiority. These people that were so hospitable to me, were mocked by me and then i realised that in my desperate attempt to hold myself different i was not being Me. I was trying to be someone else, i was trying to be other people who were not Me, who i thought were cool and to whom i wanted to belong. All this and all was a fake notion because in my Delhi bubble world i never realised that in my desperation of detaching myself from those Calcutta people i never realised that i was actually one of them. And now i wouldn't be lying if i said i want to shift to Calcutta. A part of me wishes i was there and a part of me craves to be there. But now i am back to my cold urban apartment, with its cold walls, cold bed, cold closet and heavy silences. I miss the warmth of the city, the voices and sounds of the house and the strange cycle rickshaw horns.
I am never as comfortably as I am in Calcutta. It seems like, my place. This is not just because of my Mashi and family who make every trip of mine every so good, or the city centre or Khadi, but Calcutta makes me happy. With all its quirkiness, abandoned tram tracks, monginis, CPM graffiti, cotton saris, palm trees, potholes, rolls and taxis; I have fallen in love with Calcutta.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Absence
Absence means to have a mark on the attendance register, that manages to keep all the DU students on their toes! Absence means a note in the almanac and a flu faking kid! Or does absence mean something more?
Only a couple of days back i was standing at the silt kissed banks of the Ganges participating in a job highly despised. Honestly, it was a beautiful morning with the locals splashing around, the massive straw roofed boats and the silhouette of the Howrah bridge. Memories of The Namesake and the Hungry Tide were flooding my mind. But amidst such pleasing sights, there i was with my brother throwing my grandmothers shakha, paula and shidur into the water. Shaka is a shell bangle and paula is a red coloured glossy bangle that are symbolic of a married woman and they are usually worn by Bengali women. Shidur is of of course the vermilion worn by almost all Hindu married women in India.
My grandmother had packed her things well. There were those old rusty tin boxes where she stored her things and i was thinking that there must be so many memories attached with them. She was married off when she was all of fourteen and its since then that she and my grandfather were companions. My grandfather was handsome; he and his other three brothers, all exceptionally good looking men. Men of honour, men of great knowledge, compassion. But when people leave, some material belongings have to go as well. So we threw those ancient tin boxes, one of which once had a coat of yellow paint on it and the head of the queen of England embossed over it. We threw those belongings of my grandmother that were her friends from over fifty years, just like my grandfather.
Its a job i suggest one should avoid doing till the very possible point. Trust me, that was a moment that i probably can't forget for the rest of my life.
The things floated and after a while they were no longer visible.
It was like the closing of a transaction, the end of a chapter and the beginning of absence.
Not being there physically is equal to absence; but doesn't absence also have a certain presence embedded in it?
Only a couple of days back i was standing at the silt kissed banks of the Ganges participating in a job highly despised. Honestly, it was a beautiful morning with the locals splashing around, the massive straw roofed boats and the silhouette of the Howrah bridge. Memories of The Namesake and the Hungry Tide were flooding my mind. But amidst such pleasing sights, there i was with my brother throwing my grandmothers shakha, paula and shidur into the water. Shaka is a shell bangle and paula is a red coloured glossy bangle that are symbolic of a married woman and they are usually worn by Bengali women. Shidur is of of course the vermilion worn by almost all Hindu married women in India.
My grandmother had packed her things well. There were those old rusty tin boxes where she stored her things and i was thinking that there must be so many memories attached with them. She was married off when she was all of fourteen and its since then that she and my grandfather were companions. My grandfather was handsome; he and his other three brothers, all exceptionally good looking men. Men of honour, men of great knowledge, compassion. But when people leave, some material belongings have to go as well. So we threw those ancient tin boxes, one of which once had a coat of yellow paint on it and the head of the queen of England embossed over it. We threw those belongings of my grandmother that were her friends from over fifty years, just like my grandfather.
Its a job i suggest one should avoid doing till the very possible point. Trust me, that was a moment that i probably can't forget for the rest of my life.
The things floated and after a while they were no longer visible.
It was like the closing of a transaction, the end of a chapter and the beginning of absence.
Not being there physically is equal to absence; but doesn't absence also have a certain presence embedded in it?
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Why are we running after white skin?
Hum kyon gore twacha ke taraf bhag rahein hai? This is a literal translation of the title, though i think it only unveils the secret of my poor hindi than the sentiments behind it. But anyway, a couple of days back i saw this ad on television which had a swarm of gora men n women dancing around on screen and most importantly they looked very happy. Now, now.....is being gora directly related to being happy or beautiful? The product was called ponds white skin beauty or whteva the hell it was......it was pissin off. The heroine of the act had a pale white face with pink radiance to die for(whteva!!!) and the silly(equally white) hero was oggling at her like a white snow owl. Even the fuckin mother was paper white. I don't think i saw a single coloured person in that ad.
Well...whr exactly are we going with all this shit? How can rubbing some creme on your face(tht makes u gora) make life picture perfect? Ronald Barthes would be able to provide substantial criticism and i wish he would do that. Its a perfectly smart strategy on the ad makers part coz he has successfully lured us with the pictures of the make belief after effects of using the product. So, what the ad says is that use our creme, become fuckin pink and hey maybe an equally pink boy will oggle at you! Thats tempting enough for the majority of the population to go purchase the creme. But i have certain doubts regarding the product. Now, what if u r not naturally gora n instead blessed with some colour; what happens then? I mean, imagine a dark chic with pink cheeks....yikes!
Anyway God bless the grand creators of these products and God bless the brigade of naive people who actually believe it will work.
Well in my opinion if you want to become gora there is only one sure shot solution - Call michael jackson.
Well...whr exactly are we going with all this shit? How can rubbing some creme on your face(tht makes u gora) make life picture perfect? Ronald Barthes would be able to provide substantial criticism and i wish he would do that. Its a perfectly smart strategy on the ad makers part coz he has successfully lured us with the pictures of the make belief after effects of using the product. So, what the ad says is that use our creme, become fuckin pink and hey maybe an equally pink boy will oggle at you! Thats tempting enough for the majority of the population to go purchase the creme. But i have certain doubts regarding the product. Now, what if u r not naturally gora n instead blessed with some colour; what happens then? I mean, imagine a dark chic with pink cheeks....yikes!
Anyway God bless the grand creators of these products and God bless the brigade of naive people who actually believe it will work.
Well in my opinion if you want to become gora there is only one sure shot solution - Call michael jackson.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Party Fragrances
There are so many different kinds of parties but every party has a distinct fragrance of its own.
Parties in the summer always smell of the fresh air of the air-conditioner. Have you noticed that a room smells different when it is air-conditioned for a long time? That's the smell i am talking about.
There ought be a wild concoction of everyones perfumes tingling together like a wicked mist in the air, and untill you sit close to someone you never know whos wearing what. And then amidst all this are the other fragrances that are desparately trying to make their presence felt.
Mr. Jonny Walker neednt work that hard on it, and nor Mr. Benson or Hedges! They have had a long alliance with our nasal chambers, we know. Somewhere around the corner is also miss Apple Cider clothed in her shimering green attire. So what if she is non-alcoholic, she still does makes up a great deal with her ever sweet taste! And how can we forget the lingering fragrance of the freshly cut up melons and mint, goin along side kebabs and cocktails?
You can pick up an ice-cube and look through it while sipping on your Forster, but the fragrances around will not change the picture through the ice.
The warm glowing lamp, the candles floating on the monuental terracotta bowl, or the pink and white hibiscus flowers floating along the light; they all have their own fragrances. But best of all are the fragrances of conversations, of warmth, and of joy. I recognise seasons by fragrances and hold memories through the very same aromas that once concretized in my mind can refresh fond moments anytime with its slightest touch.
Parties in the summer always smell of the fresh air of the air-conditioner. Have you noticed that a room smells different when it is air-conditioned for a long time? That's the smell i am talking about.
There ought be a wild concoction of everyones perfumes tingling together like a wicked mist in the air, and untill you sit close to someone you never know whos wearing what. And then amidst all this are the other fragrances that are desparately trying to make their presence felt.
Mr. Jonny Walker neednt work that hard on it, and nor Mr. Benson or Hedges! They have had a long alliance with our nasal chambers, we know. Somewhere around the corner is also miss Apple Cider clothed in her shimering green attire. So what if she is non-alcoholic, she still does makes up a great deal with her ever sweet taste! And how can we forget the lingering fragrance of the freshly cut up melons and mint, goin along side kebabs and cocktails?
You can pick up an ice-cube and look through it while sipping on your Forster, but the fragrances around will not change the picture through the ice.
The warm glowing lamp, the candles floating on the monuental terracotta bowl, or the pink and white hibiscus flowers floating along the light; they all have their own fragrances. But best of all are the fragrances of conversations, of warmth, and of joy. I recognise seasons by fragrances and hold memories through the very same aromas that once concretized in my mind can refresh fond moments anytime with its slightest touch.
Friday, June 01, 2007
5 Best Romantic Movies
So i just finished watchin When Harry met Sally and thought it would be quite interesting to put down a list of five best romantic movies. Of course this list is mine and my prejudices ought to be at work here! hehe! Well i have quite a few of my favorites to mention here but it is hard to put them in any order of sorts, so i am just gonna bring em up without rating them.
Starting with Dirty Dancing - yes it has been a favorite of mine since quite some time and i have seen it again and again, almost everyday thanks to zee studio. I dunno why i like this movie, i can't express it in words but i sure do know that by the time we reach the ending i am taken over by this triumphant feeling that actually goes beyond the ordinary sense of "triumphant feeling"!
Love love love the last dance. It totally takes my breath away! Gosh i can't believe i wrote so badly and inadequately about one of my most favorite movies. My feelings for this movie cannot be tapped in words, its just that i like it a lot. Why, I dunno myself.
Now, moving on to my latest favorite, Love Actually - One of the primary factors that makes this movie so beautiful is the British accent....hahahha..so awfully silly, but that's what makes me crazy about Notting Hill....Hugh Grant kick starting the film with his breathtaking soliloquy in his extremely sexy British accent! haha! Getting back to Love Actually, ummm....yes apart from that, the background score is an absolute winner...its different, its rare and its just the way i like it! It becomes even better because of Colin Firth who is just phenomenal in the film, especially after playing Mr. Darcy, seeing him do Jamie was so cool. And I guess I have made it quite evident that I have quite a huge crush on him! Aurelia and Jamie were the cutest couple, with their little language issue going on. Colin Firth's language school scenes were so funny! Hugh Grant's dance was a killer concoction of "sexy-sweet" and undoubtedly got me into splits. Keira Knightly's track was one of the best, she looked gorgeous. The little kid's part was also one of my favorites. Claudia Schiffer bit was just hilarious! The last scene is the cherry on the cake.
Ok now is the turn of When Harry met Sally. I know why i like this movie. I like it because of Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan. Billy Crystal more...no Meg Ryan more...urghhh can't decide. Actually this movie is so wonderful because of both Harry and Sally, and the way they are. Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan just pulled it off really really well.
And now i am in a fix between Notting Hill and Pretty Woman. Pretty Woman was like my introduction to romantic movies so its quite special. Besides it is pretty damn good! We all love Pretty Woman, it is such a feel good movie and so is Notting Hill. Both have the "wish fulfillment" motif built in and its a formula that is highly appealing to all human beings so one can't go wrong there. The fantastic element of the films make em so popular because we all love fairytales. But i would still say that i hold Pretty Woman at a much higher place than Notting Hill.
Ah now to my summer holidays special! I saw While you were sleeping one summer and fell in love with it. It is such a sweet movie. Its a simple story but well told. It doesn't have fancy costumes or locations or anything but it still is so cute. Its a very special film for me. It makes me very happy!
But, Love Actually has the most effective feel good factor; for me at least.
So these were a couple of my favorite romantic movies. Everyone need not agree with it or may find it a perfect replica of their list but these are still very popular movies that i have spoken about, there are some movies that i love which people haven't even heard of!
Starting with Dirty Dancing - yes it has been a favorite of mine since quite some time and i have seen it again and again, almost everyday thanks to zee studio. I dunno why i like this movie, i can't express it in words but i sure do know that by the time we reach the ending i am taken over by this triumphant feeling that actually goes beyond the ordinary sense of "triumphant feeling"!
Love love love the last dance. It totally takes my breath away! Gosh i can't believe i wrote so badly and inadequately about one of my most favorite movies. My feelings for this movie cannot be tapped in words, its just that i like it a lot. Why, I dunno myself.
Now, moving on to my latest favorite, Love Actually - One of the primary factors that makes this movie so beautiful is the British accent....hahahha..so awfully silly, but that's what makes me crazy about Notting Hill....Hugh Grant kick starting the film with his breathtaking soliloquy in his extremely sexy British accent! haha! Getting back to Love Actually, ummm....yes apart from that, the background score is an absolute winner...its different, its rare and its just the way i like it! It becomes even better because of Colin Firth who is just phenomenal in the film, especially after playing Mr. Darcy, seeing him do Jamie was so cool. And I guess I have made it quite evident that I have quite a huge crush on him! Aurelia and Jamie were the cutest couple, with their little language issue going on. Colin Firth's language school scenes were so funny! Hugh Grant's dance was a killer concoction of "sexy-sweet" and undoubtedly got me into splits. Keira Knightly's track was one of the best, she looked gorgeous. The little kid's part was also one of my favorites. Claudia Schiffer bit was just hilarious! The last scene is the cherry on the cake.
Ok now is the turn of When Harry met Sally. I know why i like this movie. I like it because of Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan. Billy Crystal more...no Meg Ryan more...urghhh can't decide. Actually this movie is so wonderful because of both Harry and Sally, and the way they are. Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan just pulled it off really really well.
And now i am in a fix between Notting Hill and Pretty Woman. Pretty Woman was like my introduction to romantic movies so its quite special. Besides it is pretty damn good! We all love Pretty Woman, it is such a feel good movie and so is Notting Hill. Both have the "wish fulfillment" motif built in and its a formula that is highly appealing to all human beings so one can't go wrong there. The fantastic element of the films make em so popular because we all love fairytales. But i would still say that i hold Pretty Woman at a much higher place than Notting Hill.
Ah now to my summer holidays special! I saw While you were sleeping one summer and fell in love with it. It is such a sweet movie. Its a simple story but well told. It doesn't have fancy costumes or locations or anything but it still is so cute. Its a very special film for me. It makes me very happy!
But, Love Actually has the most effective feel good factor; for me at least.
So these were a couple of my favorite romantic movies. Everyone need not agree with it or may find it a perfect replica of their list but these are still very popular movies that i have spoken about, there are some movies that i love which people haven't even heard of!
Thursday, May 24, 2007
About Red III
He walked through the garden, right into the house. Burt Bacharach singing raindrops falling in my head straight into his ears through the ipod dangling around his waist. He imagined birds chirping around in the greens as the sweet breeze travelled over the wild flower hedges, acquiring the characteristic lightly scented attribute from the woody stems and the delicate yet brightly coloured petals.
The kitchen door swung open and he found his uncles and father steadily engrossed in their respective newspapers. The dog frantically jumped around him as he noticed her sitting on the corner chair looking over her large glass of milk straight into his eyes. He knew she won't talk to him. What was the matter, he never knew. He never knew why she was in such a rotten mood, that too in the summer holidays. He was still in conversation with Burt Bacharach and they decided to carry on, but outside of the kitchen. He felt so triumphant about his great ability to remain untainted by a certain person's ill temper that he rejoiced within. However this triumphant feeling was shortly overtaken by its evil cousin guilt and he could not bear to get along with her.
He contemplated as he crushed the handful of lavender that he had grabbed from his grandma's kitchen garden, over his creme bed spread. "Will she come and tell me or not?"
He lay there silently for several passing moments and finally stormed out in a bout of rage.
With the evening sky and the soaring moon he traced his steps back like the home bound birds. But what was all the hullabaloo about? He heard his grandma talking on the phone, "What does the doctor say? Breathing trouble due to severe allergy caused by......lavender?
The kitchen door swung open and he found his uncles and father steadily engrossed in their respective newspapers. The dog frantically jumped around him as he noticed her sitting on the corner chair looking over her large glass of milk straight into his eyes. He knew she won't talk to him. What was the matter, he never knew. He never knew why she was in such a rotten mood, that too in the summer holidays. He was still in conversation with Burt Bacharach and they decided to carry on, but outside of the kitchen. He felt so triumphant about his great ability to remain untainted by a certain person's ill temper that he rejoiced within. However this triumphant feeling was shortly overtaken by its evil cousin guilt and he could not bear to get along with her.
He contemplated as he crushed the handful of lavender that he had grabbed from his grandma's kitchen garden, over his creme bed spread. "Will she come and tell me or not?"
He lay there silently for several passing moments and finally stormed out in a bout of rage.
With the evening sky and the soaring moon he traced his steps back like the home bound birds. But what was all the hullabaloo about? He heard his grandma talking on the phone, "What does the doctor say? Breathing trouble due to severe allergy caused by......lavender?
Saturday, May 12, 2007
To let go is so important, we propably don't realise.
To let go of every pent up feeling, to set them free and to breathe easy.
Because if we don't let go how will we move on.
And remember, that if we work hard and work with all our heart and soul,
there will be results.
Its that plunge that you need to take. Like how the water is always chilly when you first plunge into the pool. But that doesn't mean you miss out on all the fun aspects of a swim!
Its a commitment. A commitment to your work. Let go of all inhibitions, and just do it.
Release yourself from eveyrthing that pulls you down.
You can do it you know. Then why not?
I asked myself this question. It only has two answers.
So here I am ready for my plunge...
To let go of every pent up feeling, to set them free and to breathe easy.
Because if we don't let go how will we move on.
And remember, that if we work hard and work with all our heart and soul,
there will be results.
Its that plunge that you need to take. Like how the water is always chilly when you first plunge into the pool. But that doesn't mean you miss out on all the fun aspects of a swim!
Its a commitment. A commitment to your work. Let go of all inhibitions, and just do it.
Release yourself from eveyrthing that pulls you down.
You can do it you know. Then why not?
I asked myself this question. It only has two answers.
So here I am ready for my plunge...
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
The sound of words
She carefully tore the sides of the dull white coloured envelope which was tainted by numerous stamps. She anticipated a heavy amount of words from the external appearance of the cover, but she was wrong.
When she slided out the material, she saw six sheets and four lines.
No, she did not know what this meant, this had never happened before. Partly shocked, partly curious she first glanced through the umblemished empty pages stapled together twice, thrice and once more. Then she got back to the first page which was addressed to her. Four lines in malformed cursive letters in jet black ink. But never had he (in all these years) written a letter to her. Never.
Bringing her eyes close together and slipping her glasses a few centimeters lower she began to read. She was utterly confused and could not make sense of those words. She lifted the papers to her nose and recognized the familiar fragrances. Yes, it smelled of a concoction of various medicines, naphthalene balls and his old mouldy mattress where he probably rested them. But this time the fragrance was unusually strong.
Something suddenly struck her, and she quickly went through it again. She looked pale, breathless and in a moment she was perfectly still.
She placed herself on her chair and threw her head back. Lit a cigerette and flicked it. The virgin ash poured over like fireworks onto a brass plate saying PUBLISHER in perfectly symetrical block letters.
When she slided out the material, she saw six sheets and four lines.
No, she did not know what this meant, this had never happened before. Partly shocked, partly curious she first glanced through the umblemished empty pages stapled together twice, thrice and once more. Then she got back to the first page which was addressed to her. Four lines in malformed cursive letters in jet black ink. But never had he (in all these years) written a letter to her. Never.
Bringing her eyes close together and slipping her glasses a few centimeters lower she began to read. She was utterly confused and could not make sense of those words. She lifted the papers to her nose and recognized the familiar fragrances. Yes, it smelled of a concoction of various medicines, naphthalene balls and his old mouldy mattress where he probably rested them. But this time the fragrance was unusually strong.
Something suddenly struck her, and she quickly went through it again. She looked pale, breathless and in a moment she was perfectly still.
She placed herself on her chair and threw her head back. Lit a cigerette and flicked it. The virgin ash poured over like fireworks onto a brass plate saying PUBLISHER in perfectly symetrical block letters.
Dear Janet
I may have never heard the echo of my own voice if it wasn't for you.
If you hadn't recognized that i too could speak.
If u hadn't the insight, you too would have rendered me mute.
You are my true renaissance.
yours
Bard
I may have never heard the echo of my own voice if it wasn't for you.
If you hadn't recognized that i too could speak.
If u hadn't the insight, you too would have rendered me mute.
You are my true renaissance.
yours
Bard
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Ray
Being Bengali has its perks! Its not just about the delicious food but also about the Ray factor. Well the Ray factor functions this way that the day you seem smart enough to make logic outta moving pictures, you are pushed into the world of Satyajit Ray. And thank God for that! I can't even recall how old i was when i first watched his movies cause it seems like forever. It was all because of one lady called Madhuri Poddar, who happens to be my grandmother that i had the opportunity of experiencing the magical world of cinema, created by Ray. I remember in those days she had a VCR, of which she made good use. She'd record each of those movies and meticulously list them in her black diary. The VCR was her domain, she completely monopolised it.
So every summer vacation when I'd visit her in Calcutta she hand me the diary and ask me to pick a movie. I started out with Goopy gyne bagha byne i think. Oh what a phenomenal film. What exceptional use of fantasy. Those lights around Bhooter raja's face, those giant size sweets and of course the three amusing wishes! (I can recite them in the voice of the bhooter raja!) Ah those were the days! It was only recently that i realised while watching the movie again that how he wrote the dialogues in couplets. I couldn't believe it. I was awe struck. Undoubtedly Goopy Bagha and Hirok rajar deshe were my childhood favourites.
And which kid could watch Felu Da and not fall in love with it. The patent felu da theme music....ta ta tara ta ta tara ta ta tara ta ta ta ta! hehe! Jotayu saying "oot jodi tar logboge theng diye lathi mare!" I have lost count of how many times i have watched Jai baba Felu nath. My favourite. Soumitra's perfectly sharp looks suited phelu da so perfectly that every remake was rendered tasteless after that. Captain Felu and his assistant Topshe along with Jotayu, and their adventures. Captain Phelu and his secret weapon, mogojastro! The entire Felu da series is brilliant.
Then i watched Aguntuk and loved it. The bohemian intellectual Uncle whose intriguing character leaves everyone flabbergasted. His movies have a language of their own which convey much more than the apparent. Aguntuk is one of the movies where you find yourself totally taken in by the film. I loved the kid, yes he was the only one who had his innocent ways to expressing complex realities. The last scene is a complete killer!
I remember having to watch Charulata when i was young and i didn't like it one bit. However later in life i had a deeper understanding of what the film was trying to convey and loved it. I think that movie has a couple of scenes that i can never forget. One would be Soumita's literally storming entry, and the scene where charulata is making shoes for her husband and soumitra says...."Dadar ki shoubhaggo!" And she says, "tomaro hobe."
"ki jooto?"
"Na bou."
That was really funny. However my favourite scene from that movie would be the scene where charulata is searching for a book and goes close to the bookshelf singing "bonkim bonkim...", eventually then she looks through the spaces between the window panels with opera glasses, while we hear the noises of the monkey man(i mean madari!).
I think teen konnar shomapti is one of his cutest movies. Liked it.
Unfortunately i haven't seen pather panchali but i was seen the other two movies from his Apu trilogy. Thats his first movie and i hate not having seen that. Aparajito is rather depressing, i am not much of a fan of that film. Though i think Apur Sansar is one film that i am extremely fond of. I love the symbolism in the film, love the little little details that builds up the narrative and its so entertaining. Can't help but say that Soumitro looks like a complete Hunk in it and makes me love apu even more than id like him otherwise. Apu the poet, Apu the idealist, Apu the cigerette smoker, apu's flute, apu's reflexes, apu's madness....i love it all all all. I am absolutely in love with apu and it almost borders obsession.
So Ray, the man who made these movies that have been such a big part of my growing up years. Always something to learn from, so deep and so entertaining. I was watching a documentary on Satyajit Ray, where he was being interviewed by Shyam Benegal. That man used to illustrate his scripts. isn't that phenomenal? He was such a hugely talented man and such a great vision. Ah how unfortunate he had to die so early. But thank you, thank you so much Mr. Ray for making these wonderful movies that leaves an everlasting impression in every man's mind. Those movies are timeless, and I am glad i realised soon enough what a treasure my grandmother possesses(i am eyeing them!). Even though i have given up on grammar and syntax in this post, i am happy to have written about something so close to me. And boy am i glad to be Bengali.....movies are never half as fun with subtitles!
So every summer vacation when I'd visit her in Calcutta she hand me the diary and ask me to pick a movie. I started out with Goopy gyne bagha byne i think. Oh what a phenomenal film. What exceptional use of fantasy. Those lights around Bhooter raja's face, those giant size sweets and of course the three amusing wishes! (I can recite them in the voice of the bhooter raja!) Ah those were the days! It was only recently that i realised while watching the movie again that how he wrote the dialogues in couplets. I couldn't believe it. I was awe struck. Undoubtedly Goopy Bagha and Hirok rajar deshe were my childhood favourites.
And which kid could watch Felu Da and not fall in love with it. The patent felu da theme music....ta ta tara ta ta tara ta ta tara ta ta ta ta! hehe! Jotayu saying "oot jodi tar logboge theng diye lathi mare!" I have lost count of how many times i have watched Jai baba Felu nath. My favourite. Soumitra's perfectly sharp looks suited phelu da so perfectly that every remake was rendered tasteless after that. Captain Felu and his assistant Topshe along with Jotayu, and their adventures. Captain Phelu and his secret weapon, mogojastro! The entire Felu da series is brilliant.
Then i watched Aguntuk and loved it. The bohemian intellectual Uncle whose intriguing character leaves everyone flabbergasted. His movies have a language of their own which convey much more than the apparent. Aguntuk is one of the movies where you find yourself totally taken in by the film. I loved the kid, yes he was the only one who had his innocent ways to expressing complex realities. The last scene is a complete killer!
I remember having to watch Charulata when i was young and i didn't like it one bit. However later in life i had a deeper understanding of what the film was trying to convey and loved it. I think that movie has a couple of scenes that i can never forget. One would be Soumita's literally storming entry, and the scene where charulata is making shoes for her husband and soumitra says...."Dadar ki shoubhaggo!" And she says, "tomaro hobe."
"ki jooto?"
"Na bou."
That was really funny. However my favourite scene from that movie would be the scene where charulata is searching for a book and goes close to the bookshelf singing "bonkim bonkim...", eventually then she looks through the spaces between the window panels with opera glasses, while we hear the noises of the monkey man(i mean madari!).
I think teen konnar shomapti is one of his cutest movies. Liked it.
Unfortunately i haven't seen pather panchali but i was seen the other two movies from his Apu trilogy. Thats his first movie and i hate not having seen that. Aparajito is rather depressing, i am not much of a fan of that film. Though i think Apur Sansar is one film that i am extremely fond of. I love the symbolism in the film, love the little little details that builds up the narrative and its so entertaining. Can't help but say that Soumitro looks like a complete Hunk in it and makes me love apu even more than id like him otherwise. Apu the poet, Apu the idealist, Apu the cigerette smoker, apu's flute, apu's reflexes, apu's madness....i love it all all all. I am absolutely in love with apu and it almost borders obsession.
So Ray, the man who made these movies that have been such a big part of my growing up years. Always something to learn from, so deep and so entertaining. I was watching a documentary on Satyajit Ray, where he was being interviewed by Shyam Benegal. That man used to illustrate his scripts. isn't that phenomenal? He was such a hugely talented man and such a great vision. Ah how unfortunate he had to die so early. But thank you, thank you so much Mr. Ray for making these wonderful movies that leaves an everlasting impression in every man's mind. Those movies are timeless, and I am glad i realised soon enough what a treasure my grandmother possesses(i am eyeing them!). Even though i have given up on grammar and syntax in this post, i am happy to have written about something so close to me. And boy am i glad to be Bengali.....movies are never half as fun with subtitles!
Friday, April 27, 2007
Benson and Dilip
I find myself in a most baffling situation. The task that has befallen me is full of challenges and yet i cannot steer clear of it. What has to be performed must be performed. The intriguing play of fate has lost all charms in my eyes. But now that i have learnt that my sister desired to have me responsible for her baby if something were to happen to her, then so be it.
Last week has been the toughest i have ever had to go through. My first reaction was to give up everything and run away, far far away. However the freaks around me had a sudden brush with sanity and somehow talked me into it. I felt like we were living "three men and a baby", except that there are two and not three here. Though i think we should change her name and call her something cooler like Ashley or Ema. But guess who's vehemently against the idea? Mr. Dilip who else. I wonder if it is the uncanny resemblance between their names that got the guy so frenzied about the idea. Yeah, okay her mother named her and we shouldn't mess with that but what kind of people say stuff like babies can sense their names?
The funniest part is, that if Dilip's parents find out about the baby they'll absolutely and completely freak out. That makes me want to laugh! I have a good mind of dropping in a letter far east. Evil i say...hehe!
But would it be strange for Della to find out one day that her mother and father have been replaced by man and man! Especially with one white man and another Asian.
Thankfully Dilip is a natural with babies.
Last week has been the toughest i have ever had to go through. My first reaction was to give up everything and run away, far far away. However the freaks around me had a sudden brush with sanity and somehow talked me into it. I felt like we were living "three men and a baby", except that there are two and not three here. Though i think we should change her name and call her something cooler like Ashley or Ema. But guess who's vehemently against the idea? Mr. Dilip who else. I wonder if it is the uncanny resemblance between their names that got the guy so frenzied about the idea. Yeah, okay her mother named her and we shouldn't mess with that but what kind of people say stuff like babies can sense their names?
The funniest part is, that if Dilip's parents find out about the baby they'll absolutely and completely freak out. That makes me want to laugh! I have a good mind of dropping in a letter far east. Evil i say...hehe!
But would it be strange for Della to find out one day that her mother and father have been replaced by man and man! Especially with one white man and another Asian.
Thankfully Dilip is a natural with babies.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
There reigned the Queen of Ice
I had not felt the weight of the frost this way before.
Weight that dulls all sound around you.
Pounds the throbbing heart inside of you.
Breathe...
even the air has turned blue.
Blood cogulating, turning veins icy blue.
Have you ever felt the weight of the frost that numbs all vision?
In the darkness of the snow
you hope that somebody hears you;
and sing the happy notes of, "Oh! Tabby! Tabby! My. Dear. Cat. Where. are. you...",
until silence enwraps you.
And no longer you can hear the voice that sang, "Oh! Tabby! Tabby!...Where. Are. you?"
Weight that dulls all sound around you.
Pounds the throbbing heart inside of you.
Breathe...
even the air has turned blue.
Blood cogulating, turning veins icy blue.
Have you ever felt the weight of the frost that numbs all vision?
In the darkness of the snow
you hope that somebody hears you;
and sing the happy notes of, "Oh! Tabby! Tabby! My. Dear. Cat. Where. are. you...",
until silence enwraps you.
And no longer you can hear the voice that sang, "Oh! Tabby! Tabby!...Where. Are. you?"
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
About Red II
They all feared the heat of the sun and hid behind the concrete walls to combat it. We, however lay right in the way of the strong golden beams which profusely penetrated through the circular glass window of the attic room. As we lay gaping at the teak panels on the ceiling, the sun soaked, raddled wooden floor comforted our backs. So wonderful they looked, rows and rows of teak forming parallel lines, criss-crossing at ends. They all told a story. A chocolate brown sky that stretched right above our eyes, held a treasure of fragrances in its bossom. I could breathe the faint fragrance of the forest, fragrance of earth, of summer and fragrances of time.
Ah so wonderful it looked! I rolled over and peeped into the old cardboard shoe box which lay open on his chest. Its frail rickety frame held a haphazard collection of old photographs. My hand dived into it and pulled out a photograph of us. A sepia brown print which was evidently altered by the forces of time.
"Is this really us?" I asked him.
He lay there with his hands rested behind his head, as if meditating with his eyes open. He turned his gaze away from the ceiling and looked closely into it.
"Yes."
"Why isn't it coloured? Where's the original print?"
He carefully scrutinized it and said, "I don't know. " He paused and held it between his fingers.
"Do you remember this day?" He asked. A transient smile spread across his face.
"Its so unclear, i don't know. When was this?"
I rolled back and lay beside him as he unravelled the mystery.
"Do you remember this one time when we were about thirteen or so and there was a terrible earthquake?"
"You were still sleeping when the tremors were felt. They were pretty strong and we could feel the house swinging. Panic stricken we all hurried down to the garden. Your mom ran up and pulled you out of the bed and dragged you down."
He looked at me that moment but i did not. He turned away his gaze and said, "When you reached the garden you were half asleep, absolutely dazed, and dressed in something which looked like your dad's t-shirt. It was so outrageously big for you!
The earthquake had pacified by then but we all stood staring at the house in utter stillness as if it'll crumble down with the slightest movement."
"The brooding silence was wrecked by your profound question, 'What's happening?'
Then someone laughed uncontrollably which spread like forest fire. And amidst the roaring laughter echoed a sense of victory, a realisation of a renewed life.
Then from nowhere your dad brought out this camera and hysterically attempted at preserving the evidence of man's resilience. That's when this picture was clicked."
Our gaze locked in a triumphant aura. And then he suddenly added; "Like a fresh breeze blowing over silenced graves your father arbitrarily declared," He paused, and our voices echoed in perfect unison, "At least the tempest couldn't scare our lives!"
Ah so wonderful it looked! I rolled over and peeped into the old cardboard shoe box which lay open on his chest. Its frail rickety frame held a haphazard collection of old photographs. My hand dived into it and pulled out a photograph of us. A sepia brown print which was evidently altered by the forces of time.
"Is this really us?" I asked him.
He lay there with his hands rested behind his head, as if meditating with his eyes open. He turned his gaze away from the ceiling and looked closely into it.
"Yes."
"Why isn't it coloured? Where's the original print?"
He carefully scrutinized it and said, "I don't know. " He paused and held it between his fingers.
"Do you remember this day?" He asked. A transient smile spread across his face.
"Its so unclear, i don't know. When was this?"
I rolled back and lay beside him as he unravelled the mystery.
"Do you remember this one time when we were about thirteen or so and there was a terrible earthquake?"
"You were still sleeping when the tremors were felt. They were pretty strong and we could feel the house swinging. Panic stricken we all hurried down to the garden. Your mom ran up and pulled you out of the bed and dragged you down."
He looked at me that moment but i did not. He turned away his gaze and said, "When you reached the garden you were half asleep, absolutely dazed, and dressed in something which looked like your dad's t-shirt. It was so outrageously big for you!
The earthquake had pacified by then but we all stood staring at the house in utter stillness as if it'll crumble down with the slightest movement."
"The brooding silence was wrecked by your profound question, 'What's happening?'
Then someone laughed uncontrollably which spread like forest fire. And amidst the roaring laughter echoed a sense of victory, a realisation of a renewed life.
Then from nowhere your dad brought out this camera and hysterically attempted at preserving the evidence of man's resilience. That's when this picture was clicked."
Our gaze locked in a triumphant aura. And then he suddenly added; "Like a fresh breeze blowing over silenced graves your father arbitrarily declared," He paused, and our voices echoed in perfect unison, "At least the tempest couldn't scare our lives!"
About Red (alternate)
That hot summer afternoon we were all lounging together and watching Mary Poppins. He was not there because he had broken his leg and he was kept upstairs in his room. It was then that we heard this alarmingly loud noise. Clearly something had happened upstairs. Something, broke. Within minutes everyone rushed to his room. I followed. He was on the floor, prostrated, on a bed of broken glass. Blood formed patterns on the cold white stone floor. Panic stricken they all ran around mindlessly calling eachother, calling the doctor, the servant to clean the broken glass. He was silent. The room was silent. As if their voices formed a silhoute against our silence. I walked up to him and was just about to help him up when he said, "Don't touch me." I drew back. "You'll hurt yourself."I looked at him and watched him infuse pain in utter silence. Stillness enwrapped.
I moved up, hunkered down and held him by his arms and with all my strength I pulled him up.
I moved up, hunkered down and held him by his arms and with all my strength I pulled him up.
Monday, April 09, 2007
About Red
He was so ugly he didn't feel he was one of them. Their pristine white necks perched atop their titanium sholders, he said. He felt like a little swallow in the assembly of Swans. That is why he told me, he refused to cut his hair. His little eyes masquerading behind them watched to find a friend. Those glowing little eyes of his, toiled to open as large as theirs. But they laboured so hard even they betrayed him. They all, all, all betrayed him. Why did he have to be here when he was not meant to be. Why was he so ugly, so unlike them he asked.
And then he turned towards me and said..."you are one of them you know. But...at least you listen."
I told him, "Now i know how you feel. Because for the first time I feel ugly."
And then he turned towards me and said..."you are one of them you know. But...at least you listen."
I told him, "Now i know how you feel. Because for the first time I feel ugly."
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Mr. Hogarth told me
Alone I walk the arid land
and alone I walk on.
Soaking the sun and eating sand,
the taste of solitude bitter-sweet.
No one for me and I for none,
alone i walk on.
Know not where i have to go
murming songs my dry lips,
hoping, hopeful.
Dwindling hope,
Happiness misconstrued.
I fall, face down
murmuring songs in a daze.
laying as i was forever now.
I cease....Alone.
and alone I walk on.
Soaking the sun and eating sand,
the taste of solitude bitter-sweet.
No one for me and I for none,
alone i walk on.
Know not where i have to go
murming songs my dry lips,
hoping, hopeful.
Dwindling hope,
Happiness misconstrued.
I fall, face down
murmuring songs in a daze.
laying as i was forever now.
I cease....Alone.
Walking down COMMERCIAL lane
Its a time to recall those commercials which keep popping up in my head every now and then and make me....
Kya aap closeup karte haiiii???
And remember this one Pepsi ad which had an animated macchar chillin in a glass of Pepsi singing.."kabhi maan mein nahi socha tha aisa bhi din aayega pani mein aag lagegi pathar bhi pighal jayega...jeekhoooo woohooo tum se aacha kaun hain!"
The master card ad..."Realising you are unzipped before anyone else does. PRICELESS!"
How can i forget the surf ad which got me into big trouble as a kid, becoz in my project of replicating the ad i threw surf all over the house..."Surf ki dhulai jagam-magai!" (Me wid a lisp)
The oldest ever pepsi ad with Aamir, Mahima Chowdhary and Aishwariya....the one in which Ash says.."Hi am Sanjana"..in the end and Aamir dives out of his nth floor window to bring the pretty lady a bottle of pepsi! aaah...yeh dil mange more!
Amul chocolates...which went like (as far as i think)..."I am too old for baloons and young for miss cartoon but i think u r just right for Amul chocolates!"
The Cadbury Dairy Milk Ad which the "ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting" music and the cricketer hits a six...almost gets caught but not...n then his girl dances on the field!
Also the Cadbury's Rakhi ads.
The horlicks ad representing the kids of Gen X..."bal katenge beckham banenge...epang opang jhopang"
Oooh also one of those very annoying and whiney ads..."Ajanta toothbrush papa ka, mummy ka"....and it went on and on until it covered every possible member of d family.
One of the ads no one would no...it was a durgapuja special Coke ad in bengali which had this sweet lil love story acted out in it. (I remember the entire song...cnt blv myself)
The Bacardi rum ad...eeee..."be wht u wanna be...takin things the way they come...."
Nescafe ad..."papparapa parapa....Nescafe!"
The old Indica ad..."Baby i'd love you to want, the way that want u..."
Yes, of course the highly annoying..."i love you Rasna" ads!
The Nerolac paint ad.."Jab ghar ki raunak badhani hooo"
There was also some ad which am forgettin was for what brand but i think some suiting with Sunil Gavaskar in it n it was ancient.
Action ka light system wala shoes...it had kapil dev in it.
Amul ice cream..."sair to bas bahana hai papa ko kulfi jo khana hai!"
I used to love this very old pepsi(i think) ad with Sachin and Kambli..it had something bout them writing letters to their girlfriends. it was really cute.
Oh also....S Kumars...somethings bout some dadji and his birthday!"
The extremely vexing whisper ads which have changed drastically over the years and thank god for that! We still need a condom revolution...the ads are pretty disgusting and slimy most of the times(In their subtle attempts of course!)
My recent favorite....the new horlicks ad with the Chowmein obsessed kid!
K this is an endless list so i shall just finish with one of the most popular and my favorite...
"doodh doodh doodh doodh...wonderful doodh...garmi dalo doodh mein ice doosh ban gaya very nice"( wid the very funky glasses!)
p.s- surely am forgetting many more and some of my most favorites!
Kya aap closeup karte haiiii???
And remember this one Pepsi ad which had an animated macchar chillin in a glass of Pepsi singing.."kabhi maan mein nahi socha tha aisa bhi din aayega pani mein aag lagegi pathar bhi pighal jayega...jeekhoooo woohooo tum se aacha kaun hain!"
The master card ad..."Realising you are unzipped before anyone else does. PRICELESS!"
How can i forget the surf ad which got me into big trouble as a kid, becoz in my project of replicating the ad i threw surf all over the house..."Surf ki dhulai jagam-magai!" (Me wid a lisp)
The oldest ever pepsi ad with Aamir, Mahima Chowdhary and Aishwariya....the one in which Ash says.."Hi am Sanjana"..in the end and Aamir dives out of his nth floor window to bring the pretty lady a bottle of pepsi! aaah...yeh dil mange more!
Amul chocolates...which went like (as far as i think)..."I am too old for baloons and young for miss cartoon but i think u r just right for Amul chocolates!"
The Cadbury Dairy Milk Ad which the "ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting" music and the cricketer hits a six...almost gets caught but not...n then his girl dances on the field!
Also the Cadbury's Rakhi ads.
The horlicks ad representing the kids of Gen X..."bal katenge beckham banenge...epang opang jhopang"
Oooh also one of those very annoying and whiney ads..."Ajanta toothbrush papa ka, mummy ka"....and it went on and on until it covered every possible member of d family.
One of the ads no one would no...it was a durgapuja special Coke ad in bengali which had this sweet lil love story acted out in it. (I remember the entire song...cnt blv myself)
The Bacardi rum ad...eeee..."be wht u wanna be...takin things the way they come...."
Nescafe ad..."papparapa parapa....Nescafe!"
The old Indica ad..."Baby i'd love you to want, the way that want u..."
Yes, of course the highly annoying..."i love you Rasna" ads!
The Nerolac paint ad.."Jab ghar ki raunak badhani hooo"
There was also some ad which am forgettin was for what brand but i think some suiting with Sunil Gavaskar in it n it was ancient.
Action ka light system wala shoes...it had kapil dev in it.
Amul ice cream..."sair to bas bahana hai papa ko kulfi jo khana hai!"
I used to love this very old pepsi(i think) ad with Sachin and Kambli..it had something bout them writing letters to their girlfriends. it was really cute.
Oh also....S Kumars...somethings bout some dadji and his birthday!"
The extremely vexing whisper ads which have changed drastically over the years and thank god for that! We still need a condom revolution...the ads are pretty disgusting and slimy most of the times(In their subtle attempts of course!)
My recent favorite....the new horlicks ad with the Chowmein obsessed kid!
K this is an endless list so i shall just finish with one of the most popular and my favorite...
"doodh doodh doodh doodh...wonderful doodh...garmi dalo doodh mein ice doosh ban gaya very nice"( wid the very funky glasses!)
p.s- surely am forgetting many more and some of my most favorites!
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Mission Accomplished!
We work so hard towards gaining the most transient things in life.
Try to hoard them desperately and pride ourselves over it.
I think it is in some of those rare moments when we realise that we take nothing along with us.
It a philosophical point of view we say, and repress it in those dark corners of the mind.
We Promise to never dig those graves again.
In this mode of things what happens is that the real riches lay unrecognised by our eyes.
Before we were dropped down on this earth, we were each given a chit saying - *Grab the riches-wen you return, the one with the greatest value of riches- Wins HAPPINESS FOREVER.
*And the treasure hunt begins NOW
We have no clues, we have no instructions but just a mission to accomplish.
So we blankly stare at each other and whoever at first seems to be getting at the semblance of the "right thing" to do, we imitate him.
And what follows is a Mass Hysteria.
Its an extremely infectious process!
This mass hysteria goes on and on and becomes the NORM. The ones who deviate-fall out, loose out, get laughed at-hysterically! Some manage to hold on and have faith in their ways while some fall apart like a pack of cards.
This goes on and then the mission gradually begins to encroach the unconscious along with the conscious. This is because now we have evolved to chase. We are designed to chase. To chase the riches for accomplishing THE mission. The Mass Hysteria becomes Robust and deafeningly Loud.
What we forget in this wild intoxication is that the mission only occupies a fragmentary part of our existence. We must return and have our accumulation evaluated. And when we return we see that we all fall out of the race because we did not understand the true nature of the mission. We could not perceive the right goal. There is no medium, no agent that can carry our material accumulations back.
The true riches infact need no physical mediums to be transported, or to be evaluated for that matter. It needs no stamp of value or a sanction of the Prize.
For a heart which is full of Memories knows that he has with it attained
HAPPINESS FOREVER.
And then some "deviant fool" from the mission turns around, looks at us, smiles and says-*I win!
Try to hoard them desperately and pride ourselves over it.
I think it is in some of those rare moments when we realise that we take nothing along with us.
It a philosophical point of view we say, and repress it in those dark corners of the mind.
We Promise to never dig those graves again.
In this mode of things what happens is that the real riches lay unrecognised by our eyes.
Before we were dropped down on this earth, we were each given a chit saying - *Grab the riches-wen you return, the one with the greatest value of riches- Wins HAPPINESS FOREVER.
*And the treasure hunt begins NOW
We have no clues, we have no instructions but just a mission to accomplish.
So we blankly stare at each other and whoever at first seems to be getting at the semblance of the "right thing" to do, we imitate him.
And what follows is a Mass Hysteria.
Its an extremely infectious process!
This mass hysteria goes on and on and becomes the NORM. The ones who deviate-fall out, loose out, get laughed at-hysterically! Some manage to hold on and have faith in their ways while some fall apart like a pack of cards.
This goes on and then the mission gradually begins to encroach the unconscious along with the conscious. This is because now we have evolved to chase. We are designed to chase. To chase the riches for accomplishing THE mission. The Mass Hysteria becomes Robust and deafeningly Loud.
What we forget in this wild intoxication is that the mission only occupies a fragmentary part of our existence. We must return and have our accumulation evaluated. And when we return we see that we all fall out of the race because we did not understand the true nature of the mission. We could not perceive the right goal. There is no medium, no agent that can carry our material accumulations back.
The true riches infact need no physical mediums to be transported, or to be evaluated for that matter. It needs no stamp of value or a sanction of the Prize.
For a heart which is full of Memories knows that he has with it attained
HAPPINESS FOREVER.
And then some "deviant fool" from the mission turns around, looks at us, smiles and says-*I win!
Monday, March 26, 2007
Fevicol
I took some fevicol and put it on my hand.
I wanted to do that thing we did in school or while doing craft.
Dunno what was so fun about peeling off dry fevicol!
Anyway, so i spread the fevicol into this fun circular shape and got busy with whatever i was doing.
I completely forgot about it, untill i saw my hand and freaked seeing it abnormally glossy and wrinkly.
"Oh ok....thats my fevicol! Wow its soo cool and dry!"
I was really happy that i could give it enought time to dry out well.
It was really fun peeling it off! It looked like a white, translucent ,circular, plasticy disk. Really cool!
Today i picked it up and unconsciously held it against the sunlight.
It was so beautiful. It actually had this very very intriguing criss-cross pattern going along its body. It was the design on my skin.
"Whoa...my skin has such cool designs." I never knew. Ok maybe i knew, but never payed much attention to it.
It was just so amazing, the pattern on my hand imprinted on dry fevicol.
I saw it so clearly. Every criss-cross was so strong, so defined, so gorgeously intertwined.
Damn there is so much to us that we blatantly ignore. We are so habituated to taking things for granted; for subduing voices that we never allow to fall over the membrane of our ears. We are so deaf, we are so blind. If i were not to be that brutal i could say, we have definite hearing problems and severe myopia! Beautiful surfaces are bound to be admired, but how many of us look deep inside?
Fevicol over my skin, and just a dash of clear sun rays made me see something so spectacular, that my blind mind had ignored for two whole decades and a year.
I saw a pattern, a very epiphanic pattern.
I wanted to do that thing we did in school or while doing craft.
Dunno what was so fun about peeling off dry fevicol!
Anyway, so i spread the fevicol into this fun circular shape and got busy with whatever i was doing.
I completely forgot about it, untill i saw my hand and freaked seeing it abnormally glossy and wrinkly.
"Oh ok....thats my fevicol! Wow its soo cool and dry!"
I was really happy that i could give it enought time to dry out well.
It was really fun peeling it off! It looked like a white, translucent ,circular, plasticy disk. Really cool!
Today i picked it up and unconsciously held it against the sunlight.
It was so beautiful. It actually had this very very intriguing criss-cross pattern going along its body. It was the design on my skin.
"Whoa...my skin has such cool designs." I never knew. Ok maybe i knew, but never payed much attention to it.
It was just so amazing, the pattern on my hand imprinted on dry fevicol.
I saw it so clearly. Every criss-cross was so strong, so defined, so gorgeously intertwined.
Damn there is so much to us that we blatantly ignore. We are so habituated to taking things for granted; for subduing voices that we never allow to fall over the membrane of our ears. We are so deaf, we are so blind. If i were not to be that brutal i could say, we have definite hearing problems and severe myopia! Beautiful surfaces are bound to be admired, but how many of us look deep inside?
Fevicol over my skin, and just a dash of clear sun rays made me see something so spectacular, that my blind mind had ignored for two whole decades and a year.
I saw a pattern, a very epiphanic pattern.
I ask
When we are children and we are "naive",
we uphold certain ideas, certain notions.
We think like we think but we never think how we think the way we think.
But as we grow up and become more "discerning",
are we actually able to speculate on our follies?
Is growing up a matter of ever ascending numerals,
or is it but another ephemeral milestone which is but crossed the moment it is stamped.
Growing up does seem more robust in life's halucination.
I have blinked.
I have given it the heat of the sun and the feast of the clouds.
But growing up is something I am yet to reconcile with.
we uphold certain ideas, certain notions.
We think like we think but we never think how we think the way we think.
But as we grow up and become more "discerning",
are we actually able to speculate on our follies?
Is growing up a matter of ever ascending numerals,
or is it but another ephemeral milestone which is but crossed the moment it is stamped.
Growing up does seem more robust in life's halucination.
I have blinked.
I have given it the heat of the sun and the feast of the clouds.
But growing up is something I am yet to reconcile with.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Scroll 21
Two decades and a year!
And a few people to thank.
It would never have been this way if it were not for-
Ma and Baba who have been there through and through and I needn't enlist their endless contribution to my life.
Didi who makes up for her physical absence in Delhi by her telephonic madness. Who has contributed so significantly to my growing up.
Tanvi and Neha who made up for the absence of the other companions with there warmth and exuberance. A surprise none can dare to forget!
The missing bunch and the coll bunch as a whole, for unconsciously giving me so many lessons of life.
Arjun who'd always be extremely special to me!
Dhrubojyoti, Ananya, Indraneel my dearest cousins for being so affectionate all the time.
Darling grandparents who have always wished me well.
And ALL other friends who have been so kind as to extend their warm wishes towards me.
I know it does look like a rotten Oscar speech but i most deeply desire to present a token of appreciation through these words.
All of you have made this gift of life a much fuller experience by your presence. So thank you very much to all. I love you all dearly.
*Special mention for Tanvi and Neha again, because they gave me my first surprise! And for every little thing that they created so beautifully with their own hands, I shall cherish them forever and a day!
And a few people to thank.
It would never have been this way if it were not for-
Ma and Baba who have been there through and through and I needn't enlist their endless contribution to my life.
Didi who makes up for her physical absence in Delhi by her telephonic madness. Who has contributed so significantly to my growing up.
Tanvi and Neha who made up for the absence of the other companions with there warmth and exuberance. A surprise none can dare to forget!
The missing bunch and the coll bunch as a whole, for unconsciously giving me so many lessons of life.
Arjun who'd always be extremely special to me!
Dhrubojyoti, Ananya, Indraneel my dearest cousins for being so affectionate all the time.
Darling grandparents who have always wished me well.
And ALL other friends who have been so kind as to extend their warm wishes towards me.
I know it does look like a rotten Oscar speech but i most deeply desire to present a token of appreciation through these words.
All of you have made this gift of life a much fuller experience by your presence. So thank you very much to all. I love you all dearly.
*Special mention for Tanvi and Neha again, because they gave me my first surprise! And for every little thing that they created so beautifully with their own hands, I shall cherish them forever and a day!
Thursday, March 15, 2007
little wish
A little wish.
She closed her eyes.
So tight, that her nose wrinkled.
Brought her hands together.
And hastily whispered.
A gush of fresh air.
She closed her eyes.
So tight, that her nose wrinkled.
Brought her hands together.
And hastily whispered.
A gush of fresh air.
She let out a sigh.
A moment of utter stillness.
Hands apart, eyes open, she looked up and smiled.
May the stars bring her some light tonight...
A moment of utter stillness.
Hands apart, eyes open, she looked up and smiled.
May the stars bring her some light tonight...
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Speaking Silences
What silences speak, no words can hold.
No language can overwhelm,
nor gestures arrogate.
In silences i have heard what no eloquence can say.
In silences i have felt, what no touch can convey.
Seemingly they are but, those little moments that unconsciously slide by.
But it is in those moments that we have had our silences of joy, our silences of compassion, our silences of pain.
And yet we all think that we talk, and we write elaborate poems.
We dont know that its a farce, and that one day it will all break away.
No language can overwhelm,
nor gestures arrogate.
In silences i have heard what no eloquence can say.
In silences i have felt, what no touch can convey.
Seemingly they are but, those little moments that unconsciously slide by.
But it is in those moments that we have had our silences of joy, our silences of compassion, our silences of pain.
And yet we all think that we talk, and we write elaborate poems.
We dont know that its a farce, and that one day it will all break away.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
The mad man's shadow over his cup of coffee
In the night time they sat under the moon lit sky. The fire before them- almost about to die out.
Jeeva felt the warmth of the earth through the fine cracks she had been tracing with her eyes. She glanced upwards and saw the plump silver moon. It looked bloated, but smoother and definitely brighter. So beautiful, so calm and yet so lonely. Her mind etched out a quick parallel sketch. She shut her eyes firmly to let go of her thought. And it did go away as the sounds of the night over powered her senses. The cricket-calls, the burning fire, the wind over the lake and the sound of his breathing. Yes, of course how could she forget, he was sitting so close to her. So close that she could hear him breathe and yet she forgot that he was there. That's what she hated about him. Why was he so inert? *Roy the striving writer. What am I doing with him, what?*
He was gazing at the fire, thinking, how long; for it to turn grey? He recalled those days when he desired to hold fire in his hands. Determined, he furiously tried to grab a handful of fire but the heat harmed his hand instead. A handful of nothingness, a hand full of nothing. He unfixed his gaze and looked at Jeeva. *Look how tightly she has wrapped the shawl around her body. As if the wind will slit through her skin.* He shook his head disapprovingly.
Their eyes met accidentally as they smiled at each other. Roy started humming, *hey Mr. tambourine man.....* Jeeva slipped her hands through Roy's and joined him with some word-ly support!
**Fades out........
Jeeva felt the warmth of the earth through the fine cracks she had been tracing with her eyes. She glanced upwards and saw the plump silver moon. It looked bloated, but smoother and definitely brighter. So beautiful, so calm and yet so lonely. Her mind etched out a quick parallel sketch. She shut her eyes firmly to let go of her thought. And it did go away as the sounds of the night over powered her senses. The cricket-calls, the burning fire, the wind over the lake and the sound of his breathing. Yes, of course how could she forget, he was sitting so close to her. So close that she could hear him breathe and yet she forgot that he was there. That's what she hated about him. Why was he so inert? *Roy the striving writer. What am I doing with him, what?*
He was gazing at the fire, thinking, how long; for it to turn grey? He recalled those days when he desired to hold fire in his hands. Determined, he furiously tried to grab a handful of fire but the heat harmed his hand instead. A handful of nothingness, a hand full of nothing. He unfixed his gaze and looked at Jeeva. *Look how tightly she has wrapped the shawl around her body. As if the wind will slit through her skin.* He shook his head disapprovingly.
Their eyes met accidentally as they smiled at each other. Roy started humming, *hey Mr. tambourine man.....* Jeeva slipped her hands through Roy's and joined him with some word-ly support!
**Fades out........
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